The last few weeks have been very hectic. As most of my friends, and their friends, would already know, we celebrated our daughter, Anika’s (or Riki’s as everyone calls her), first birthday in Pondicherry. Since early this year, we have been planning long-distance, making the bookings, looking up references, calling friends, and getting the canvas ready. Then there was the packing, the travel, the unpacking, the circus of last minute preparations, the sorting of trillion things we bought online, plus the gifts, the repacking and the return! We went for three extremely short weeks, that flew by, with me running around like a headless chicken, trying to complete all the tasks I had foolishly programmed into my Google calendar. Honestly, I have never been on such a hectic trip in my life! On top of all that, we endured the extreme heat that May is famous for, with a few power cuts to add some tadka (spice) to life! A Pondy girl should not complain, but what to do (like Miki says) I seem to have lost some of my tolerance for sweltering sunshine!
Through it all, the star of the show, Riki was the most relaxed. She made little demands, adjusting quickly to a totally new environment, with new faces approaching her daily. In her usual fearless manner, she explored all the nooks and crannies of the old house, stepping up and down the courtyards without any hesitation, basking in the mid-morning sun, splashing in the make-shift pool with her brothers, taking it all in her stride.
Riki is truly special, even if I say so… Special because she came at a time, when my body had not fully healed, and I was perhaps not physically that ready to carry as her, as I had thought I was.
The pregnancy was tough, not a breeze like I had shared the first time. While the health complications created a few doubts, it was the caring for Miki, while running the household, that took a toll. No more naps in the morning, sometimes not even in the afternoons. No lazy mornings nor weekends. Each day was the same as the previous one. No self-indulgence, no surprises. No mollycoddling, no princess treatments! Because that’s human nature. The first time is novelty… The first time is anxious energy…. The first time is perhaps a little more precious!
Oh, how I hate saying that… but it is true. How I had wished and wanted and stated that it would not be so, but it became. While it was a boon to not be afraid of the slightest discomfort, I missed the care and the attention. Even my own!
Still, I insisted on the basics, a tiny babymoon cum staycation, which Miki enjoyed the most. Shangrila-La Rasa Sentosa was the perfect getaway for an infant who loves the water / pool, play areas and the chance to just run around in a resort dedicated to children.
We also invited our family and friends for a baby shower this time round. A simple dinner party, fun quizzes and games, mouth-watering Indo-Chinese food, and loads of laughter and love. And then the countdown began…
We can never forget the day Riki was born, bringing with her all the blessings from high above even before she arrived. We were given a suite when we had booked a private room, the surgery was smoother than my anticipated anxiety had imagined, the immediate recuperation in understated luxury, an added benefit.
She was Ma Chandi from the word go! That’s what my mother called her, as soon as she saw Riki in the suite post-op, when Riki loudly expressed her discomfort from being passed on from one set of arms to the other. Anika is Ma Durga’s name, so why won’t she represent it? Her tiny head, full of jet-black hair, framed mini-Ishita features. Everyone noticed the hair, especially the OT nurses for they went on murmuring, how difficult it had been to clean up the strands Riki had already shed in my womb, while stitching me back up till wheeling me out to the recovery station! Murmurings I heard even in my comatose state! Ha!
Other bits of memories, like lost pieces of a puzzle, come rushing back. The hot tray of food that I devoured, the kindness and the prompt service shown by all the attending nurses, the days spent chatting desultorily with Mama in the hospital, the much-awaited visits when Miki would curiously gaze at Riki every few minutes, while everyone exclaimed over the similarities between the siblings. Since, the difference between their ages was just 17 months, Miki initially accepted this addition to the family without much fuss. He had been a trouper, letting Rahul solely care for him for those three days without much trouble.
The months that followed were not as difficult as the previous postpartum phase. This time, I knew what to expect. However, it was also a different ride. While the sleepless nights continued, the wonder increased. Honestly, both Rahul and I couldn’t believe our luck.
From casual discussions on wanting children at the start of our marriage, to wishing for two of them, to being disappointed, to almost giving up, to embracing the most precious treasures in our arms, it was quite a long, arduous, nerve-wrecking journey! And each step is engraved in my consciousness.
While the adventure continues, every day is a new exploit, a new challenge, a new un-learning, a new re-learning, and we, as parents, become conscious of how little we know. The toddler and the infant in-tandem, keeping the fretful mother on her toes. Nevertheless, I would not trade a minute of it for anything else in the world.
Motherhood is just such a boon. It changes everything. Everything. Your life. Your goals. Your priorities. Your entire being. It is not easy. Yet it feels like a dream… As if I just float through it. Maybe I do… On Her (The Mother’s) arms… That’s Divine Grace… There can be no other explanation.
Nonetheless, the bone tiredness is real. With exhaustion came the writers’ block. Unlike after Miki’s birth, when I felt a strong urge to write, to express, to share, Riki’s birth left me empty, a void, a silence, a stillness. I tried many times to sit in front of my laptop, wanting to pay her a tribute, wanting to announce her arrival, wanting to voice our happiness and gratitude. But I could not. And just like that, a year passed.
A year that was too full of varied experiences to distinguish the lows from the ups.
A year that was too immersive to wholly comprehend its magic.
A year that was too priceless to convey its extraordinariness.
Little Riki completed our family.
She gifted us with a zestful joy, a fighting spirit and a fearless will, that, we pray we can protect, indulge in, and give wings to, for the years to come.
And we thank her, our little goddess, princess, and angel, for choosing us, to bless, to bring us immense bliss, and to partner for her soul’s journey!
Footprints on the Mind 
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