Published in 2015. Edited in 2026
“Hi! Mrs. Nair! How are you? No, no! Don’t get up. Your poor knees!” Payal bent down to give the older woman a quick hug and an air kiss, then collapsed into an empty chair. “Are you ill? BP? Sugar?” She asked, dropping the red Gucci handbag on the glass centre table. It matched her short top, worn over a pair of snug-fitting blue Levis jeans. “I came to pick up some reports, you know.” She smiled coyly.
“Let’s pray for the good news.” beamed Mrs. Vimala Nair, a plump, middle-aged housewife. “I am fine. I simply accompanied my new neighbour, Indrani, for a check-up with Dr. Sanyal.” Adjusting the dupatta of her multi-coloured salwar-kameez, she turned to the younger woman. “This is Mrs. Payal Sinha. Her husband and she moved into the apartment right above us a month ago. Both are financial advisors in multinational firms. Payal, she is Ms. Indrani Mishra. She has rented Mrs. Dalal’s flat, right next to mine. She is a high-school teacher and an author of several non-fiction books.”
“Hello, Mrs. Sinha,” Indrani leaned forward to shake hands. A demure, sky-blue churidar-kameez, with an intricate Chinese collar, hugged her slim figure. Her long, black hair was tied in a loose bun at the back of her slender neck.
“Please call me Payal.” She waved a well-manicured hand. A solitaire ring glowed on a skinny finger. “I am just twenty-seven. You aren’t married?”
Vimala glanced sideways, her thick eyebrows furrowed. “Payal!” she chided gently.
“Oh! I didn’t mean to offend,” replied the Gen Z girl, flipping behind a curly strand. Her eyes widened, she shrugged. “Just curious.”
“It’s OK, Mrs. Nair.” Indrani interjected quietly. “I am engaged.”
“Congratulations! Where is your fiancé?” asked Payal.
Mrs. Nair’s face darkened as Payal smiled tightly, crossed and tilted her long legs to one side. She rubbed her palms, staring at Indrani.
“He lives abroad.”
“Really? What does he do?”
“Payal!” Mrs. Nair chided again, fidgeting in the narrow waiting room seat.
“What? It is an obvious question. Oh, that reminds me!” Payal slapped her forehead. “Mrs. Nair, did you hear about the Guptas, on 6th floor?”
“No, what has happened?”
“Their daughter ran away yesterday!”
“What?” Vimala’s beady eyes dilated. The pudgy face grew rounder.
“Yes! She is only eighteen.” Payal bent her head, chin pointing down, eyes rolling derisively.
“Did she have a boyfriend?”
“Of course! Haven’t you seen that surly guy lurking in the street corner? I must say, I don’t know what she sees in him. Pretty rough-looking!”
“She ran away with him?”
“Who else? I can’t understand how Mrs. Gupta did not foresee it? If I had known they had such low standards, I would not have gone to their home so often!”
“Are you sure? Perhaps, there is some other reason. What were the parents’ doing? Sleeping? How careless!” Mrs. Nair’s voice rose several decibels. Closing her palms, fingers pointing in the air, she said scornfully, “When we were younger, this kind of behaviour would never have been allowed. Imagine having a boyfriend at such a tender age. You know, Payal, my parents were very strict.”
Payal nodded gravely, resting her face on her palm.
“I remember my mother would wait on the doorstep precisely ten minutes after the school bell rang. A minute late and there would be a long lecture. My father checked all our homework. We could not even eat ice-cream without prior permission. It was so different in those days…”
She prosed on, not looking at anyone in particular. Indrani listened attentively, hands forming a steeple on the open magazine in her lap. She had positioned her body at an angle so that she could gaze at both women at once. Payal was looking around the tiny waiting room, lingering on the wooden door leading to the inner chamber. Legs uncrossed, Indrani leaned forward, patiently waiting for Mrs. Nair to finish.
“Isn’t it true, Indrani?” asked Mrs. Nair. “You are older than Payal. You must be in your thirties. Don’t you think you were more responsible during your teenage years than these children?”
“Perhaps, but I was lucky to have very understanding parents and a loving home.”
“Are you saying that the Guptas don’t love their daughter?” Payal leaned forward.
“No. All parents love their children. They just have different ways of expressing that love.”
“Well, then? What are you saying?” demanded Payal, crossing her arms.
Mrs. Nair stared at the floor, a finger scratching her mouth.
“Are you sure that man was her boyfriend?” asked Indrani, her tone calm and even.
“Of course! Otherwise, why would he be lurking downstairs?” snapped Payal, frowning.
“For many other reasons! He could be employed by someone in the building? He could be a relative!” Indrani pointed out. “Did you actually see them…” She spread her arms, looking directly into Payal’s eyes. “You know what I am asking…”
“No!” Payal flushed. “I mean…” Unconsciously, her fingers rubbed her aquiline nose. “It has to be him.”
“Why?” The single word created an uncomfortable silence. “I am not saying that you are wrong. Not at all,” continued Indrani. Her soft voice held no censure. “But if you haven’t seen them in a fairly compromising situation, then how do you know if the rumour is true?”
Mrs. Nair shifted her considerable bulk to face Payal. The latter paled under her questioning gaze, but muttered, “Because what else could have happened? A girl cannot simply disappear.”
“True!” murmured Mrs. Nair, but she did not sound so sure anymore.
“Why would my maid lie?” Payal protested querulously. “She heard it from their maid.”
“What if she misunderstood the entire affair? I do not know the Guptas. But I am sure the maids are not privy to all that is being discussed in the house, despite their sharp ears. What if the girl had, without informing her parents, spent the night at a friend’s place? As an act of rebellion?” She paused, waiting for rebuttals. When no one said anything, she turned to her neighbour. “Don’t you think, Mrs. Nair, that that could be a distinct possibility, especially for teenagers?”
“Yes, I suppose so.” Vimla hesitated, before giving in. “Actually, my niece did the same thing, two years ago.” She confessed in a whisper, absently rolling the single gold bangle. “Later, she explained her reasons and much to my amazement I sympathised. My sister can be a real tyrant at times.”
Indrani laughed. The tiny dimple on her left cheek grew. “Well, I think we should reserve our judgement until things progress or we ascertain the facts.” She nodded towards Payal. “What do you think, Payal?”
“Well, if that’s the case, I would be very glad. She should have better taste in boyfriends.” She tossed her head. “I will speak to the child, the next time I see her. Maybe she just needs the right company.”
Indrani smiled, nodding again.
“Ms. Mishra?” A young nurse, neatly dressed in a starched uniform stepped into the room from the doctor’s chamber.
“Yes?” Indrani rose gracefully, slipping the magazine back on the rack.
“Dr. Sanyal will see you now. Please follow me.”
“Sure.” Turning to the others, she gently patted Mrs. Nair’s shoulder, saying, “You give Payal some company. I won’t be long. Thank you for waiting for me. See you later, Payal.”
As a silent, invisible observer of this ordinary incident, I wondered what the speech and the corresponding actions, even the smallest ones, revealed about these characters.
Payal Sinha came across as a spoilt, snobbish, young woman from a privileged background, who easily jumped to conclusions. Her definite body language exposed her critical mind and selfish disregard for others’ opinions. On the other hand, Mrs. Vimala Nair was torn between the beliefs she grew up with, and her need for acceptance. Her words were harsh and she was quick to judge, but her nervous movements betrayed the uncertainty within. In contrast, Indrani Mishra was self-assured, empathetic and subtly influential. Despite not knowing the Guptas, she understood their plight, sympathised and concisely expressed her opinion. Her objective stance and quiet manner effectively made the others rethink their views without any need of aggressive persuasion. That is the power of body language – the silent influencer!
Body language plays different roles:
- Accentuates: Emphasizes the spoken language.
- Contradicts: contradicting your words, revealing your lies.
- Complements: Reinforces the words.
- Substitutes: non-verbal cues have far more significance than verbal messages.
- Repeats: repetition strengthens your communication.
Moreover, any gesture feels comfortable if supported by a corresponding mind-set. A shy, nervous person would be comfortable crossing her arms across her chest as a subconscious way of forming a physical barrier (a defensive, self-soothing, or closed-off posture); a short-tempered male will often raise his voice and use his body to intimidate, without needing to resort to violence; an anti-social teenager will avoid eye-contact and always look for a quiet corner in the midst of crowds.
We all know these behaviour patterns instinctively, however, what we mistakenly believe, is that, if we learn a few tricks, postures, hand positions, we can repeatedly pretend to be someone we are not. In truth, it is nearly impossible to totally fake body language in real life, because one is not in total control of the tiny muscle movements, nor of the thoughts and emotions that cross one’s minds and hearts.
Therefore, it is essential to know oneself, by studying one’s moods / likes / dislikes, by listening to the inner voice, by clinging to core principles, and finally, by understanding and accepting who one is. Self-knowledge, self-respect and self-acceptance are key to ultimately creating a lasting impression. Simultaneously, one must also strive to be a patient listener, inculcate deeper empathy, accord respect and expect the same, develop clear thinking, and cultivate greater self-control. One needs to be a keen observer before one can effectively communicate to peak others’ interest, draw them closer, befriend them and inspire trust, or conversely, to reject undesired advances, to avoid getting triggered, to extricate oneself from difficult settings.
A person is not only remembered for what he / she says or does, but also how he / she makes the other feel. And to achieve the desired outcome, one can use various methods to emphasize the point one wants to convey.
For example, if one wants to inspire confidence in an office, one dresses smartly, speaking calmly, while holding direct eye contact with the audience. While, in a stressful situation, when one is unable to interact, one will tend to blink rapidly, or purse one’s lips, or move back to put some space in between oneself and the object that is causing distress. Clenched fists denote anger, while thumbs up indicates that one is OK. When in love, the couple converse with their bodies facing each other, holding hands, kissing, or caressing – all indicative of an open, warm relationship.
Life is full of controversies. Circumstances change in the blink of an eye, frequently evoking resistance, unhappiness and unease. Instead, if we utilize the myriad facets of body language, that one can adopt to improve one’s individuality, one will automatically adapt to any situation that one finds oneself in and emerge victorious. When our thoughts evolve – our attitudes reform. Our body language transforms. We inspire and we influence.
The art of using one’s bodies to express one’s emotions and not contradict one’s words is a powerful skill, envied by many, mastered by few. So, believe in yourself, be true to your feelings, adopt some fundamental gestures to connect and conquer the world on the strength of your non-verbal dominance!
5 Simple Tips for complementing your striking personality with some positive Body Language (which is not faked, but becomes an intrinsic part of your temperament):
- When we meet someone for the first time and are not comfortable hugging him / her, then a firm handshake with both palms in a vertical position works best in a corporate setting, or a ‘Namaste’ in a casual gathering. This produces a sense of equality and mutual respect.
- Women intuitively understand that it is not always what you say that matters, but what you display. Several experiments have shown that make-up accentuates our expressions and generates higher recall. It also adds to a woman’s apparent self-confidence, thus has a more lasting impact in the minds of her audience. The lack of make-up, the appropriate use of it or the overuse of it, is entirely dependent on the individual, the impression she wants to give and her environment (ie. – in the street, at daily office meetings, in kitty parties, at cocktail dinners or on the stage).
- When we are listening to a speech, our slow head nods at regular intervals indicate our interest. It initiates positive feelings in the speaker. Secondly, head nods are contagious and a great tool for building rapport. With the speaker and the listener both nodding, an agreement can soon be achieved. However, if your posture is laid-back, then it contradicts the notion that you are genuinely heeding.
- While talking one-to-one or in a crowd, the open arms and the palm facing-up gestures demonstrate a non-threatening stance. Consequently, the warmth in our words and tone would be readily accepted. Eye contact is equally important, for if you are avoiding it, while exuding tension from the rest of the body, the messaging will be confusing.
- Smiles attract people. Scientists have also proven that a genuine smile is generated by the unconscious mind, wrinkling several muscles near our eyes. Whereas a false smile involves only the mouth. An infectious smile and a genuine laughter are transparent invitations for people to accept us on a personal level and forge bonds.
To conclude, remember it is almost impossible to entirely fake body language. Hence, it is vital to establish an all-round persona which is based on true emotions and ethics. To use it effectively, we also need to be good readers. Although each gesture is significant, one must read these non-verbal signals in its clusters / patterns and in the context that it is being sent. Keep your eyes open for small details, trust your intuition and you will rarely go wrong!
To be the influencer, one must be influenced – by unambiguous gestures, by impeccable posture, by transparent attitude, by genuine goodwill!
Body language is that one special skill that encompasses life lessons converted to unique responses resulting in desired outcomes and achievable goals.
Don’t be afraid to experience, to experiment, to hone in, and to exploit your expertise!
Be the game changer! Be the change maker! Be the silent influencer!
Leave a comment