I have the most exciting news! We did it!

Nope, it is not a lottery ticket!

It is also not the most thrilling rollercoaster ride in the world – I don’t ride them!

Something much more awe-inspiring!

I have bought a ticket to the most adventurous, the most enchanting, the most breathtaking and the scariest ride of all… A lifetime’s ticket to Motherhood!

And despite feeling totally overwhelmed, I would not trade any moment with my precious bundle of joy for anything in the world.

Let me start at the beginning… For nothing went according to plan, and that shocked me entirely. Whenever I had thought of my pregnancy journey, I had imagined, lying on my comfortable king-sized bed, the aircon cooling the room to the right temperature, being surrounded by concerned caregivers, feeding me everything that I craved, and writing to my heart’s content to eventually completing my novel. There was so much time – 9 months – how could I not finish it? When would I ever get so much free time to do so, with everything else being taken care of?

Oufff, but I digress again… My mind keeps wondering… Are the leftover hormones to blame?

I still remember the day we learnt of our pregnancy… I had the morning half free, and had gone for my blood test, before going to work as we were putting up a big show that evening at the Esplanade (Singapore). My mind was numb… I was trying not to expect too much because of our earlier disappointments. As I continued to gather the stuff I would need for the evening, a bright shiny pink sari, the matching accessories, my work bag etc, the phone rang. I picked it up with trepidation.

The nurse went through the basic identifications, and then said, “Congratulations mam! You are pregnant.”

“What? Are you sure? I don’t think it is right.”

“We are sure, mam. You are pregnant. The doctor’s clinic will call to fix your next appointment.”

“You are absolutely sure?”

“I can understand your doubts, mam. The results are clear. Congratulations again! All the best.”

She cut the call. I suppose she must have thought I was a lunatic, after having gone for my blood test, I should at least have been expecting a 50% chance!

Unable to believe the good news, I called Rahul at work.

“Hello!” he answered, in his usual deep phone voice.

“The hospital called. We are pregnant.” I blurted.

“What? Are you sure?”

“I asked three times.”

“I am coming.” Click.

Meanwhile, the clinic called and asked me to come as soon as possible for some medication. I told them I would go back after lunch. It would be a tight schedule, as I had to get back home to get dressed for the evening, but I knew everything was possible. For the miracle had already happened.

* * *

It was the season of miracles… Why? Let me share with you another instance…

When we first moved to Singapore, Rahul was on the hunt for our first home after our wedding. His criteria was that there would be a balcony with a view, and mine that we had a fairly large kitchen (given that Singapore is famed for tiny kitchens as the locals don’t cook, but eat out or tapao – Chinese for take-aways). We got both in both our apartments, and the balcony was always filled with plants.

One of them is a golden trumpet plant, which flowered rarely, despite having tried to revive it with our own products (my dad’s business is manufacturing organic bio-stimulants for plants), local fertilizers, fresh compost etc.

Finally, dejected, Rahul mentioned to me, in passing, “If this plant flowers, then we will be pregnant.” Well, I am not joking, but in a week’s time, a tiny bud had flowered… Our joy knew no bounds. And then we got the news!

But a few days later, all the flowers had died. None came back… Until I was about to deliver. And lo and behold! We saw two flowers this time!

* * *

When Rahul walked into the bedroom, having rushed home after hearing the news, I was lying on the bed, wool-gathering, lost in happy planning.

“What did they say?”

“Just what I told you.”

And he burst into tears, as we held each other, trying to absorb the incredible news.

Two weeks later, the doctor confirmed our baby was due on 1^st Jan 2024.

I told Rahul, “Oh no! He / she will lose a year if he /she studies in the Ashram school in Pondicherry (despite living in Singapore for so many years, I have hopes that my child will study in my alma mater). He / she should arrive on or before 15^th December!”

Was it a jest or a prayer, or a manifestation?

* * *

This was also a milestone year for me! We had plans to celebrate my 40^th birthday with a family trip to Bali, which of course got cancelled. But the big party didn’t!

For my immediate family members, it was a double celebration! And this is how I occupied myself in my first trimester, by doing something I loved – planning and spending money! The first big party we were organising in our 8-years-stay in Singapore, had to be perfect.

Amongst all the lasting memories, a moment I will never forget was Arpit’s (my brother-in-law) spontaneous declaration to my sister, while holding on to a balloon with one hand and trying to tie the thread with the other, “Please don’t expect this kind of planning from me for your 40^th birthday, or our 10^th wedding anniversary next year!” We all burst out laughing loudly!

Days passed swiftly, or slowly, depending on our moods. We were bursting to share the news, but held back, waiting for the right moment; all the while obsessively reading up about the first trimester, because I had no symptoms, except for feeling more sleepy than usual! No nausea, no cravings, no aches nor pains. To the extent that I kept asking Rahul, “Are we truly pregnant?”

The answer would promptly present itself every two weeks, at the doctor’s clinic, on a wide screen… Our minuscule world, growing day by day, towards fulfilling our dream!

* * *

Second trimester dawned. I was ready with plans on how to effectively use my free time. After working long hours and hectic schedules for 2+ years, yet enjoying every moment of it, this free time seemed like a blessing from heaven. I longed to finish my novel, paint several landscapes, embroider a few pieces, cook some exotic menus, travel to luxuriate in a babymoon… There was so much to do… Would these 3-5 months be enough?

But the greatest irony of all, although I didn’t have intense cravings to send my husband on all kinds of errands at all hours, nor any sharp pains to stress him enough to rush to the hospital frequently, I also didn’t have the energy, the mind-set, nor the mood to do creative activities. I could not even read for long spells… There was a strange listlessness in me. I would fall asleep several times a day, stare into space without a conscious thought, or simply lie in bed. Time flew by… and I wondered passively, “Here goes my opportunity to write the book! I don’t even feel like penning down my thoughts and feelings regarding my pregnancy journey!”

To make me feel better, Rahul gave me the biggest surprise of our married life, up until now… He organised a romantic wedding anniversary picnic, glam-style, in the East Coast Park, without letting on a thing. Me! Who is alive to every hint, nuance, and who checks his phones when such occasions are coming up, had no clue. I was told it would be a dinner at a restaurant, was asked to walk to the park, fuming furiously, as I thought Rahul had booked a table at the nearest restaurant, to be led to the most beautifully decorated picnic spot I had ever experienced. Of course, it was the bestest gift ever!

* * *

And then, I was back to planning another big occasion, my Seemantham, a function organised to celebrate the pregnant woman after she completes 7 months, and to seek the blessings of family and friends for the baby growing within. My parents flew down for a week to attend the event, as it was imperative they are a part of the traditional prayers.

I indulged myself completely, designing special sweet boxes, making the sweets for the return gifts and finally, applying mehendi on my arms and feet. I even booked a lady for my hair and make-up! The event was doubly special because we were surrounded by overflowing love and good wishes and all the guests graced the occasion with joy.

* * *

Finally, to signify the end of the “golden period” of pregnancy, we went for a very short holiday to Langkawi to just chill in a resort!

Strolling with my husband, hand-in-hand, in the resort gardens, was a luxury of time and intimacy; relaxing in the pool, while clicking pics of the setting sun, an indolence; and eating from the huge buffet spread each morning a decadence.

As travellers, we have never simply rested in any of our holidays, so this was as different as it could be. And we cherished every second of it!

* * *

After the holiday, the days started to creep… The weeks seemed to linger longer than 7 days. In one of the visits, Rahul asked in exasperation, “How much longer should we wait for our baby?”

My gynae laughed. “This is the best time. Enjoy it. Once the baby comes, you won’t have a minute to yourself. You will really wish that the baby goes back into the womb!”

I laughed loudly, seeing Rahul’s stunned expression! I wasn’t sure whether he tought that the doctor was insane.

How can we ever wish that for the baby we have waited for so long, was his first sentence as soon as he stepped out of the doctor’s cabin.

He wasn’t wrong. Nor was she…

* * *

Despite all our fears, the warnings, the cautions, the 37 weeks went by like a breeze… I am extremely lucky and grateful to be able to say that I don’t have a single negative memory of my pregnancy journey…

I experienced everything that I wanted to, from short sight-seeing trips with my parents, to convincing my husband for a complete pregnancy shoot in a beautiful location like the Botanical gardens, to strolling along my favourite lanes during my regular evening walks… It was a complete blessing from the Divine!

How else can we describe the instance, when during our discussion with my gynae regarding the delivery methods and options at the 30-weeks check-up, she told me to set a date in case of a c-section.

“Whatever you suggest, doctor!” I replied. For years I had known, if the situation arose, I would most probably have a c-section, so I was not shocked (although there were times, I had hoped to try for natural birth!)

“Do you have a date in mind?”

“None. We will be guided by whatever you suggest is good for the baby.”

She looked at the calendar on her computer, “Between 11^th – 18^th December should be fine. Why don’t you choose 15^th December?”

There was a moment of stunned silence. I looked at my husband, he stared back.

“That’s fine,” I muttered. “Whatever you suggest.”

The final miracle! A joke… A wish… A plea… And a prayer had again come true! My first brush with a fulfilled manifestation, that filled our hearts with immense gratitude for The Mother’s constant guidance, blessings and grace!

* * *

We had a smooth delivery. Our stay at the hospital was even better – marked by a large, well equipped room right next to the nursing station; very attentive staff who took care of the baby, Atharva or Miki as we call him; my parents and helper serving nostalgic food like khichdi and veggies; an extremely patient and loving husband who stood by me 24×7, encouraging me to bear the pain and overcome the fears while I recuperated.

But the real struggle began after we came home. We had dived straight into the world of sleepless nights, diaper changes, and imaginary fears. For the first week, I was full of energy, zeal and the need to take care of Miki, straining beyond measure to near complete exhaustion. Until my mother stepped in forcefully to take care of Miki during the day, for me to take complete rest for a few hours.

It is tough. It is hard. It is exhausting.

You want to spend your every waking hour with the baby. He decides to keep you awake each night.

But through the blur, the tears, the tiredness, the rage, the sadness, the fears – shines a bright, strong, unblinking ray of light – filled with the rush of eternal love, with the thrill of a dream come true, with the deep gratitude for this blessing.

* * *

Life will never be the same again!

Each incredible miracle, each momentous event, each unforgettable celebration transformed our lives for ever. Parents for life!

Every day is a new story. Every day is a new adventure. Every day is a new learning.

We strive to take it all in, while a tiny being gurgles and etches an indelible mark on our souls.

One day I might find the right words to express the magic / awesomeness of it all. Until then… I rest my pen, for some much-needed sleep… Adios… À bientôt!